bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
