I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Randomize
