i was born a porn star she said
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
He's a Shit stain on my heart
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
