I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Randomize
