i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Randomize
