Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
