last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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