i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
