who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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