It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Randomize
