The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
