I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
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