i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
