I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Randomize
