R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Let's get the cat blown out
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
