the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
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