Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I have tasted many bathrooms
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Randomize
