so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
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