just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
