she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
