I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Randomize
