Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
