How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
