Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
