I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
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