The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
He better not be in your backpack
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Randomize
