my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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