plz talk dirty to me
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
