when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
