I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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