Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Randomize
