Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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