I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize