All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
