My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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