Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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