did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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