I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
