It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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