she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
