I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I think a kid would responsible me up
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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