Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
