I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
