i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
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