Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
