belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
