I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
