I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
