I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
