i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize