you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
