Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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