tell your sister to shave her snatch
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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