my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
