I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
