Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
