it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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