so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
she peed on how many people?
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
