My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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