Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
