I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize