she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
