so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
