just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
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