somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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