Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
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