Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
