Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
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