you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize