I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
