I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
