Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
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