Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Randomize
