WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
